


Coda

by SegaBarrett



Category: Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Easter, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Resurrection, implied suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:15:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24278728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SegaBarrett/pseuds/SegaBarrett
Summary: Judas finds himself in the place he needs to be.
Relationships: Jesus Christ & Judas Iscariot
Kudos: 6
Collections: Villain of My Own Story Exchange 2020





	Coda

**Author's Note:**

  * For [borrowedphrases](https://archiveofourown.org/users/borrowedphrases/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I do not own Jesus Christ Superstar, nor the historical figures who lived long ago.

Judas was sure that he could hear singing from somewhere behind him, he was sure of it. But things had been so foggy and messed up and broken since the moment he had said those words, since the moment he had let concern and malice meld together. Since the moment that he had tossed out everything that the man had ever meant to him…

_“Christ you know I love you, did you see I waved?”_

That damned song, the one that Simon had led them all in singing until it had turned into a complete and total riot. Until everyone had taken notice of them. It hadn’t even been that long ago – less than a week.

It had taken less than a week for everything to fall apart and become utterly unrecognizable. And now here he was, wanting to fall off the face of the Earth, because there was nothing he could do about what he had done.

In the moment, it had been… different. It had seemed like the only sensible choice, the only logical choice. It had even felt right, in the way a key turned the wrong way can feel right until the door doesn’t open at all.

So what the hell was he going to do now? Was he really ready to walk the Earth alone, for however long?

Without him?

***

He did not have time for a flashback right now; that was something he did not have a single scrapped, bleeding, blistered moment for, but here he was in one anyway, so he might as well have at it. The first time they had met, the way he had watched from the wings as Jesus healed people, at least that’s what he said. 

That was what his followers said, to be exact. He didn’t say a thing, not most of the time. Most of the time he just looked at Judas with that insufferable gaze, the one where Judas could keep asking questions for days on end but he would never get an answer; at least not any one that he was looking for. No answer to what he was planning to do to stop this from turning into a full-scale riot, for one.

Here he was thinking about it all over again, even though he didn’t have time to think about it. 

Didn’t have time to remember – 

***

There were people coming in from all ends; swarming, really, just like before. That was one way to look at it. Judas was sure that they were headed straight for him – heading to haul him off too or heading to tell him to get the hell out of the city for good.

He wasn’t sure which was worse, right about now. He hadn’t really thought about what this would feel like now, after the deed was done. He wasn’t like his friend – he was never able to see all that far.

The swarms didn’t come for him, though, didn’t shun him or try and haul him away. They went right by him.

And maybe that was even worse. 

He was still sure he could hear the singing, even though that damned crowd, the crowd he had warned him about, the one he had been so worried about, had turned on a dime – that incessant singing. 

_“Hey J.C., J.C., won’t you fight for me?”_

They had sung – hadn’t they? He could remember it clear in his mind’s eye and he could hear the melody, but now it had changed. There was a dark note to everything now.

Judas was sure that there had always been a dark note about him, a black cloud following him overhead that he dragged along with him everywhere he went. And he had turned the rain on the only person who had ever really cared about him.

What was he meant to do now?

Maybe this was where his story was supposed to end.

He draped his arms around his legs, sat down and let out a sigh. There wasn’t anything he could do about it now. He had tried; he had tried to fix it… And they had turned him away.

There was only one place that was left for him to go. Only one place left for him to belong. And it might be his only chance to make it right.

***

He’d arrived too late, of course he had. Maybe that was for the best. Annas’ words range in his head – “stay a while and you’ll see him bleed!” – and maybe he should have stayed, maybe he owed him that, but after a while he hadn’t been able to take it anymore. He had been walking around for what must have been hours, but time seemed immaterial. Maybe this was the way it would always be now – floating, each day blurring into each other and being meaningless.

The way it had been before he had met Jesus, that one day that he had gone up to the crowd and let himself be a part of it, the one and only time he hadn’t felt cast out and apart like he had felt every day since the day he was born. 

And now he’d ruined it. What was the myth that Roman kid had told him once, not three years older than Judas but allowed to decide whether Judas’ entire family could be murdered for any invented reason. He’d told him that there’d been a man named Midas who could turn anything into gold if he touched it, which was a good thing up until he touched his daughter and turned her into gold, too. Priceless but dead.

Judas wondered if his gift was setting anything he touched ablaze. A good gift when all you have is rage, but once you have something you love…

He shivered. It was too cold out – it must be near nightfall, after all. He would have to keep walking until he got… well, somewhere. He couldn’t go all the way home, not now - he couldn’t tell anyone about the things he had seen or especially the things he had done, nor could he go home and become the person he had once been all over again.

He’d have to figure something else out altogether. Perhaps after… 

A tiny droplet hit Judas in the face, and he turned his eyes upward. Another droplet hit him in the eye. 

What the hell? Could this day get any worse? Then again, it wasn’t like he hadn’t earned an awful day by betraying his best friend.

A thundercloud crashed overheard, and the single droplets burst into water, pouring from the sky.

The way that he would be crying, the way he should be crying, if he could cry.

If he could make himself feel this, fully feel it.

At least there was a cave right in front of him. He could step inside here and just… stay for a moment until the rain was over. 

And he could just lean his head against this rock for a moment, and that would be no problem at all. Until he figured it all out. 

***

Judas cracked an eye open, letting out a little groan as his head seemed to explode into a million pieces. 

There was a hand touching his chin, running down his neck, and he opened his mouth to scream but no sound came out, no sound at all, which was probably a good thing as it would have come out far, far too loud.

“Judas. Sorry.”

He blinked, trying to flinch but finding it far too much effort. He lulled against the rock, against the – where was he now, anyway? He was laying on a blanket some sort in the middle of the cave. Clearly he had been moved at some point but by…

A million things wanted to tumble out of Judas’ mouth, or at least thirty, enough apologies to make up for the thing he had done, the way he had been, how he had been the one to get it all so twisted somewhere in the end.

Instead he just let out a cry and then couldn’t stop, clinging to Jesus with all of his strength and trying to ignore the fact that his really shouldn’t and couldn’t be happening and probably meant that he had gone crazy, like, what was the other story that Roman kid had told him? Like Oedipus. When Oedipus just went crazy and…

“I’m here.” 

Judas had never realized just how soothing that voice could be.

Then again, he had never let himself be as vulnerable as this. It was probably a bad idea, but he was too tired to care.

“How are you here?” he asked in between sobs, instead.

“Do you really need to know?” Jesus replied. 

And for once, Judas shook his head. He didn’t need to pry, not this time. He just needed to be here.


End file.
